Real Bondage Blog

Just looking back at my life in bondage, I realised that if you want good bondage, you have to work at it. It’s like the old saying, nothing in life is truly free. What has spurred these thoughts into my head?

Ok, so I have no idea what started my little retrospective, but the bit about working at it, every bondage session I have ever worked at, truly worked at, turned out to be one of the top 10. That my friend is one of the best bits of information I can truly give you. Think about it for a minute. If your other half tells you to take a running jump or just isn’t interested you gotta work at it. Working it could mean finding or making the time and the little niceties to make a sexy evening, or it could be that maybe your partner needs a little more help in doing something, so he or she is just so completely shattered that they just want to fall asleep in front of the idiot box (TV)

One of my best examples? A previous partner of mine had a terrible problem with body image so it was always lights out before sex, so it kinda makes bondage a little hard, not to mention dangerous! It took her a while to tell me this after much badgering (in a nice way)

So I gave her a hug and told her it was ok. She thought I had forgotten it all when one night I asked her to come upstairs. I had done all the preparation. She was whisked into a nice hot bath before she could object, with plenty of bubbles to make her a little less self aware of her body. After a nice bubble bath I brought her into the bedroom and told her we were going to have some fun, but she was a little worried. After I fixed her nerves so to speak I put a blindfold on her and tied her hands together so she couldn’t really do much. I then jumped in alongside her and played with her. Paying special attention to some bits with biting and nibbling, a few toys etc. After a short while she was super frisky and I teased her by denying her orgasm a few times, till she asked nicely

She had her moment and was very flush but happy and for a first time, after releasing the cuffs, she cuddled me and thanked me and explained that the blindfold helped a lot. About 3 days later she left me a sweet little message asking, begging even, to have a repeat of it.

Basically it went from a no bondage situation to a loving it situation. It got there through paying attention and being creative. Put those two things together and you can’t fail.

If your looking for more ideas, check out this page for advice

It ain’t no secret, it’s just doing it. Ok I may bang on about it, but just do it. If you want to be lazy just use snapcuffs, kinda cheating though!

The other idea is to get a bit of knowledge. Books and indeed the internet are your friends. You can even find them listed in Amazon these days.

Alternatively, if you want to see some others in action, why not take a look at 24/7 Bondage Cam. It’s a free to join cam site (like duh you hadn’t figured that already!) but there are a lot of experienced bondage people on there that will show you how cool can play, although you can only watch until you get your ass into gear and get those handcuffs jangling.

It has been staring me in the face for a while, just it never occurred to me.

Ok so we like bondage, hell you wouldn’t be reading my bondage blog if you weren’t. However when you think about your partner, which way do you think about them?

A) Submissive and wanting your every bit of torture, tease and orgasm or

B) In control, dominating you and not really giving you a choice in your sexual subservience.

One, or both (if you are a greedy little switch ) thoughts will take you to horny land. In amongst all this crap, what I am thinking, is maybe you have got your roles back to front.

Do you know she isn’t massive sexual deviant twho wants to inflict torture on your sexual bits (In the positive way, not negative).

However she (or indeed he) may feel obligated to perform the role you defined for them? Don’t know/Not sure, just ask them. They may sigh relief and tell you to get upstairs and prepare to get totally dominated and your ass whipped or alternatively they may kneel at your feet and demand to be punished for being naughty.

An unfortunate problem a lot of people have is getting their parter into bondage or getting their partner to put them in bondage.

Part of the reason that people freak is that a lot of bondage is percieved as very extreme and hardcore. Sure there is a lot of it but its up to you at what level you play the bondage game. Some people just like a bit of kink to spice up sex, some people see that as the beginning of bondage.

Persuading a partner into kinky bondage play may be easier than you think. For example, some women put put their hands behind their head, potentially indicating that they want them to be restricted, ie bound.

It may sound crazy but its true. Watch and see. The greatest tool you can have in sussing out what your partner may or may not be is watching when you suggest things to them. Ladies are conditioned to be lady like and not to blurt out their sexual desires. Try though, ask in a quiet intimate moment what they fantasise about.

If you really wan’t to take the bull by the horns, get all strict, in a playful way and suprise your partner with a suprise bondage session. Hell for less than 60 bucks you can get snaplink type cuffs to tie your victim, sorry, partner to the bed. Ok you have to take control and deal with all the “but I..”,”I don’t know…” etc but once you have your partner in a nice bit of snap cuff bondage.

Once you have tied up your lover, you can start to play, and show her it can be fun. Some ideas include carressing and stroking, including parts your not allowed to normally stroke. What they gonna do? Stop you ?

What your demonstrating is that bondage isn’t all about hardcore and BDSM. Your showing it can be fun, sexy and pleasurable.

As some of you are no doubt aware, there are bondage meets all round the country ( you didn't ? Where have you been for the last decade) G and I used to frequent these bondage parties sometimes, it was all new and shiny bondage to me. Ok so it was a new world, there were CDs, rubberists, Masochists, Sadists, rubber boys, all manner of people with a different aspect on bondage, and when the party got flowing there were plenty of scening.

There were people who liked to do bondage in public (Kinda like games at a party ) I found it intriguing to watch these people play. Ok so being the wrong side of the water I had yet to have my eyes opened to a fuller extent, but watching theses people play bondage made me excited and nervous at the same time. Would I ever play in public? Big question. Then a little later it dawned on me, you don’t NEED to do this. If bondage is all new, why not try out the best bondage ever, bedroom bondage, with your partner.

Bedroom bondage rules because bondage, as with any other form of sex, is as much about intimacy as the actual act of bondage. Intimacy like this is best in the bedroom. You have no one watching you, critiquing you in the back of your mind. Ok, so you fuck up a bit, fumble a bit at first. Does it really matter ? fuck no. It's about fun, excitement and bondage kinks. If it wasn't any of these, we wouldn't do it.

Ok, so maybe you want to try it but don’t know how? There are plenty of books on the subject, an especially good one is Mistress Lauris Domination for good girls. Guys, if you want to approach the subject with your lover, and she is “unsure” or “don’t know what to do” this book is dynamite.

When it comes to bondage and BDSM, there are two methods to get what you require. You can be nice or nasty. It’s a game of wills. As a friend of mine put it, physical persuasion is easy, its the mental persuasion that is hard. She gave me an example of this. She had a friend who was very much the bondage submissive, but he had certain issues regarding some of the things he wanted to experience. Specifically he wanted to see what another mans cock felt like, in his mouth and his backside. Problem was, he couldn’t bring himself to do it, so he approached my friend for her help. “Sure”, she replied. “Do you prefer the bondage stick or the bondage carrot?”. Somewhat confused by her reply, he asked her to explain it. “You have two choices” she explained. You can either do it because you want to, or because I made you. He scoffed at this idea of him being made to do anything, after all how was this 5′8 woman going to make him do anything he didn’t want to. He did however agree that he would be open to her trying.

A few weeks went by, and they attended a play party together. He understood that something may happen, and was resigned but excited by the fact that he may no longer have control. He knew he had his safe word, and he only had to utter it and it would all stop. They began to play a little and then after a few minutes, a male from the party came forward. Our friend was tied on all fours, expecting a general play, a bit of cock and ball bondage and play. He wasn’t expecting this, but he had an idea of what was going to happen. Running wasn’t an option as he was manicaled to the floor. Defense mechanism, shut all possible holes. However, secretly he was still getting turned on by the idea.

His mouth was shut tight in an effort to stop anything happening, although he wanted it to. He had his safe word, and my friend looking out for him so no harm would come to him. Then suddenly, he could no longer breath through his nose. His Mistress (my friend) had pinched his nose shut, so everyone knew it was just a matter of time before it was open for business, so to speak.

After a very red face and about 20 seconds, he opened to exhale a breath of air, and as he did his teeth collided with a o ring gag. (If you haven’t seen one of these yet, check it out here) This held his mouth open. He knew his fate was complete. He now knew the meaning of the bondage stick or bondage carrot in real terms.

The other guy knew it was his first time so was teasing but fair and not forcing anything. Looking on, this guy who was forced to accept this wasn’t exactly pulling away (well as much as you can, anchored to the floor) and seemed to be enjoying it. Although that was his fun for that night, it apparently made him very much more receptive and willing to try ideas. He later confessed that he did actually enjoy it but it was the taboo associated with it that he was really fearful of. Once he had tried it, he was very much up to try it again, except this time, there was no need to force the issue.

So the moral of this tale? For one, be careful what you wish for, it may come true. Secondly, sometimes people need a little help getting over their (or indeed societies) taboos. To have achieved this any other way would have taken months of planning and persuasion and cajoling to even get near to what they managed to achieve in one month. Basically, a time and a place for everything.